Regarding Your Future With The Futures Planning Consortium
by Raq Winchester & Fran Wilde
Edited by Brian J. White
April 2017
Re: Calendaring problems
From: Rita Blunt
To: All
Due to someone mistakenly scheduling the office party synchronously with the rollout of the 2016 local adjustment planning calendar upgrade to version 16.5, I think some apologies are in order. I am sure the responsible party or parties will want to make amends.
As a result of this error, the rise of fascism in Europe has accelerated, the next global extinction launched without supervision, and the party caterers were sent to 1620 BCE.
Knowing how to use a calendar program is a foundational skill for our work. All FPC members will be expected to attend a “Temporal Ethics and Calendaring” session with their supervisors this week. If you can’t make it, you are authorized to use 2 hours and attend it last week.
In addition, FPC Senior Planners will be delivering a Remediation Chart to me by COB tomorrow. When approved, this will replace our existing quarterly strategy.
The office party has been moved to next Thursday and will be a potluck. See Frank to sign up.
Re: Calendaring problems
From: C.A. Sandra
To: All
Let’s focus on the goal here, and not any recrimination for lack of skills with the new software shall we?
Re: Calendaring problems
From: C.A. Sandra
To: Rita Blunt
Sorry that was supposed to just go to you.
To: FPC-SeniorPlanners-ALL
From: C.A. Sandra
Subject: Remediation Chart
It looks like the Interstitial Collision Matrix for this local adjustment plan will have us starting WWIII. What am I not seeing? Please see attached modeling analytics.
To: Bertie Wells
From: Rita Blunt
Subject: Re: Remediation Chart
Bertie, all the variable overlays are in SharePoint, where they’ve always been. I know it’s easier for you to use the ones you’ve saved locally, but you’re going to miss the approved edits that way. Please use the Gold versions.
Also, take a look at C.A. Sandra’s analysis. She tells me that any conflicting events entered into the new calendaring software will lead to some sort of world-ending global crisis and dead gorillas or something. I think she’s over-reacting, and I don’t want to give her a platform, but obviously we need to consider it.
To: All
From: C.A. Sandra
Subject: New Developments
Does anyone see what I’m seeing in 2021? That’s some serious black smoke. There’s a trace back to 1970 at least with some forks at 1492 and 1160. Can forward-outlook advise on mediation plans? We need to act.
Actually I’m seeing versioning happening somewhere else also. Rita are you altering the calendar without approvals?
To: C.A. Sandra
From: Rita Blunt
Subject: Let’s talk
Do you see a future for yourself as part of FPC? Because accusing me of messing with the calendar doesn’t lead to that.
Are you sure you’re not looking at the beta tests for 2021?
To: Rita Blunt
From: C.A. Sandra
Subject: Re: Let’s Talk
>> Are you sure you’re not looking at the beta tests for 2021?
I checked twice. If there’s a problem we should absolutely notify FPC personnel up and down the line and consider rolling back the calendar upgrade.
What my models are showing: epic breakouts in many zones that were previously stable, plus overwhelming cause and effect ripples throughout the equatorial zones, in regions where those still exist after the flood. The other flood.
Do you want me to tabulate responses and send them to the group?
To: C.A. Sandra
From: Rita Blunt
Subject: Re: Let’s Talk
>> Do you want me to tabulate responses and send them to the group?
Not yet. I know the Society of the Righteous and Harmonious Fists thing happened before you joined us, but that was a direct result of a former member acting rashly to prevent the Russian Civil War. Read up on it. Yes we got FOXCONN but the RCW still happened, which causes the glitches listed in the “Dark Matter” folder, and was not part of the Strategic Roadmap.
I’ll handle it.
To: Bertie Wells
From: C.A. Sandra
Subject: FW: Let’s Talk
>> Are you sure you’re not looking at the beta tests for 2021?
Hi Bertie I know we don’t know each other very well but I’m concerned that things are being overlooked or re-routed. You worked with several high-level players on the original software transition, can we meet in real time for coffee? Say, 1995, Seattle? We could catch that Mariners’ game. But if Paris is better, LMK?
To: FPC-Planners
From: Bertie Wells
Subject: Calendar app
Hey guys — I was working with Cassie and we found an access control issue with the calendaring app and the survey app so it would be a good idea to stop using the calendar app. Also, if you live in Western Europe, the Middle East, or the United States, you might want to check that your bug-out bag is stocked — IT is going to install the patches to fix the problem on either Wednesday or Saturday. Also if anyone’s seen Cassie, anywhen, please tell her to get in touch with me.
To: Rita Blunt
From: C.A. Sandra
Subject: Re: Let’s Talk
You tell me to read up, but you ignore why the FPC was created? I mean, I’m right there with you about the Khan’s daughters, but the Sixth Major Extinction is too high a price. See also: Beiber.
I think you’re working the timeline with an agenda. I will be reporting this to Mawo9ru38oe8r3$%^^&….[error:message unbounded]
To: All Senior Staff, All Divisions
From: Rita Blunt
Subject: Staff Secondment
Please note that C.A. Sandra has been seconded to the Mediterranean for the 1180 BCE team. Any attempts at further contact with her will result in immediate dismissal as per standard policy against contacting a temporally deployed FPC member.
To: FPC-Planners
From: Bertie Wells
Subject: Troubleshooting a calendar patch
Hi again. Before she was seconded, Cassie and I installed most of the patches, but there’s one that’s giving me trouble. I’m going to test synchronous scheduling with an AM/PM test: I have to do this on the production system rather than test, so please disregard any new Six Sigma meetings in 6 CE near locations starting with A.
If you don’t hear from me by tomorrow, come looking for me.
Please let me know by COB today if you have a conflict.
To: All Senior Staff, All Divisions
From: Rita Blunt
Subject: Fixing this myself.
I will be running a Six Sigma process mapping immediately for the purpose of eliminating defects in our calendar process. We’ve had enough time to get this straight. I’ve ordered Bertie to install all the patches and I’m going to click through every function if it takes all night. I’ve suspended all other local adjustments so that I have enough all-nights to get this done. In the future, each of you needs to double-check for save conflicts, even if you just cheasw8ueu@#$#@ chrondump64/killpoint.exe
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
Request timed out.
… |
Still here motherfuckers. - CAS
Install Started:
World Futures Planning Consortium Customized Software Suite v1a(CAS)
c:/windows/system32/mediterranean.exe
Hello World!
Welcome to the 2016 Futures Planning Consortium Software Suite. Your system will automatically restart after the upgrade.
To: All
From: Bertie Wells
Subject: Re: Calendaring Problems
Given the fact that our office party went off without a hitch, we can all safely say that synchronous cross-temporal meetings are an excellent idea and that the 2016 local adjustment planning calendar software install is a success. I think some apologies are in order. While the experiment temporarily brought back shoulder pads and a love of bridge, no actual instabilities or extinctions occurred.
We are saddened by the loss of Rita Blunt to the cretaceous period, but hope to have her back soon.
Potluck next week for even numbered years only. Sign up on the wiki.
To: All
From: Bertie Wells
Re: Meet the new COO
It’s my pleasure to introduce our new Chief Operations Officer, C.A. Sandra. She brings a wealth of experience and vision, and although new to the FPC, we look forward to her leadership. Please click accept to join her webcast on local planning adjustment goals this quarter.
© 2017 Raq Winchester
About the authors
